Bleeding Frustration

“You don’t have to know what you’re doing.”
“No, I do. That is the whole point. I don’t want to just do things. That is so stupid.”
“It isn’t just doing things. It is life. You play a video game. You buy a console. You go on dates. Then you have a job to support all of that.”
“I do not want to just do that.”
“Yes, you do. We have had this conversation before. Do you want to be a pre-colonial native American or get all googly about Star Trek? Sure, it is cool in the series but as soon as they transition to movies, the crew turns into psychopaths. Well, then there are the dune buggy rides, I guess.”
“There is nothing like that to look forward to in the future, for us. I don’t want that.”
“Yeah, the education system would be insane. Everyone had to exercise to fit in those singlets.”
“I’m not talking about that. Being in Star Trek was never the point-”
“It should have been.”
“There should be a middle ground. Humanity cannot go on like this being ruled by money. The people are ruled by money. Companies commercialize everything. They hire advertisers to research and test until they infiltrate our minds. The point is to make us unhappy. So, we will want things according to their conditioning. I want to know what I want.”
“‘And, how to get it,’ if memory serves. Grunge bands and anti commercial movies are all that know your pain. Commercialism is more powerful than ever. They are still making movies. Most of the grunge bands broke up and started working P.R. They didn’t do anything but make you unhappy with working a job.”
“It isn’t just that I am unhappy with my job. I don’t know why I have a job. I’m all messed up. I’m trapped. I don’t know. I don’t want to be there anymore. Work is an exercise in frustration. I usually have one thing to do. One. And, all the manager ever does is distract and procrastinate me. Then, give me a hard time about not being done with the ‘one’ thing.”
“Sounds frustrating but I think you phrased it better last time. So, you don’t like your job. Can you fix it?”
“There is no changing this guy’s management style. He is rounding out a decade or two of work. It isn’t like he is suddenly going to gain perspective.”
“Have you looked for easier jobs?”
“It is not a hard job. It is easy. There are preferences and goals but really it barely takes any thought. The thing of it is the work just needs to get done and there just isn’t enough time for it all without half-assing it.”
“It isn’t like you are the only person working there. Don’t feed me that ‘I’m the only one who works’ line because everyone says that.”
“Everyone else just seems to have grown accustomed to it or get to make their own goals. I don’t think these things are meant to be done in this amount of time. It isn’t like this is a small operation. This is a chain. there are hundreds of stores. They cannot all be running behind. I’m told I should be going faster. that is like saying that I would be done if I had finished the work with magic. It is just everything is running behind and when I come home I am so tired I barely have the capacity to work on life. I have two piles of socks on my floor.
“At least you are organized.”
“I just feel like it is bullshit. At the end of the day, I look back and say ‘yup I work at an unimportant store. Corporately run by the results of market trends and vague surveys. They are so stupid. ‘One out of five people should be buying this months stupid promotion, that we are tracking. You should have sold two hundred shits, by now.’ It is like that every month. They say the same lame statistic for everything.”
“I don’t think ‘shits’ is a word.”
“I feel like these are people that live in a dream land. Welcome to life, where hard work does not guarantee success and discerning customers don’t just bend over because they are the fourth person in line.”
“Your nose is bleeding. Seeing you run to the couch might be the highlight of my day.”
“It is dull. I just stand here hunched over the sink watching blood drip and feeling it clot on the tip of my nose.”
“It is hard to hear you over the running water buddy.”
“The water has to run or the sink will get clogged.”
“What do you think about in there?”
“Most of the time, I think about how much I want it to stop. That does not seem to help a lot. Thinking like that might just be increasing my blood pressure and increasing the flow.”
“So, think calming thoughts.”
“That’s what happens. I don’t think I can help it. It never stops while I really want it to. I usually drift. A few minutes of watching blood color water. A few minutes of playing with it a bit.”
“You play with it?”
“What else can I do? My hands are wet or pinching the bridge of my nose. My face is inches away from the sink. It isn’t like I can fit a book or cell phone. It has to be calm. All I am supposed to do is wait,
“Maybe, you should just stay there.”
“In the bathroom, bleeding?”
“Yeah, it isn’t like you are any happier out here, struggling for the glory of point B. You got flanked, by the way. Why not stay? Stare at the running water. Listen to your breathing. Feel your back stretch and rest your arms while your lifeforce drips into the sink. I’ve never seen that advertisement. You’re ahead of the curve and you don’t even know it. You sound like an asshole. We don’t live in a wonderful commonality culture where there are unlimited resources and people all think freely and debate. You can still find all those things and more. There is no one meaning to life. Even if there was, it isn’t the sort of answer you just pass on. It is something that has to be experienced. Meaning has to be given.


4 thoughts on “Bleeding Frustration

  1. Ray! Don’t use ‘short’ – you already have ‘short stories. Add ‘politics.’ Don’t forget2stay within 13-14 tags(they say 15 but I find that2b risky – doesn’t always work -spam).. Put a cool ‘feature image’ on it as well. I Like the title. Cheers.

  2. That first half was brilliance! loved the quirk of the conversation.
    I felt the second half gave way to long sentences, but that’s also part of the conversation delving into deeper things.
    this was a great read.

  3. Ah! You found me. Good one. WordPress destroyed a lot of connections after they – without warning – removed the ‘comments I made’ feature. Seems, It is wise 2leave a comment! Looking forward to sampling future wares and continuing the discussion. Cheers.

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