Kissing and Clapping

Life is rarely dynamic. Things don’t have smooth climaxes and set events. The people that end up shaping life never get introduced with a theme song. Music doesn’t swell at ideal times. In the romantic novel The Fault in Our Stars the couple kiss for the first time in public surrounded by strangers. When they stop kissing, the strangers crowded around them start clapping. These things never happen naturally. If people want dynamic gestures to coincide with their lives, they need to construct it artificially.

I have a goal to have people applaud my first kiss. There are a few choices for this. Okay, as far as I can imagine there are two ways.(Three if you count bribing.)

First, the wedding. People applaud after the “I do.” I don’t like this option as much because they are applauding for the marriage and the promise and sometimes the applause comes before the kiss.

The other, highly theoretical way, is to build up the suspense in my friends. Make them hang off of every stage of the relationship. Right now they get to hear about me talk about every girl I flirt with and notice the annoying fear in my voice in going any further than casual flirting. Then it will be getting a name. I think I will pull a bit of pacing. Tell them about every text. build up the suspense by exaggerating doubts. Then, when they are meeting her and they are sick of the set-up and the puppy love and they just want it over already.

Kiss and applause.

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